Alex Woodruff Biz Buzz

If you’re familiar with the examples I show in the marketing course of FCUK, then you’ll understand why this brand recently caught my eye:

It seems a drinks maker from Altheim has managed to register the trademark for the vodka-fruit juice mix, despite original protestations. This paves the way for many mesmerising merchandising opportunities.

Of course in the UK this could potentially have been blocked. Apparently it’s not permitted under advertising guidelines to suggest alcohol will make you more sexually desirable. Though I’m not sure I’d find somebody more desirable just because they turned up with a crate of “Fucking”. Or maybe you’re supposed to finish the crate first to be in the mood. But then, maybe you’d be in no fine state to fulfil the brand promise.

A sure mismatch for some

Abercrombie and Fitch have decided they don’t want free publicity on TV. At least not the free publicity they’re getting from US make-out-like-a-macho TV series Jersey Shore. In a bold move they’re telling the stars of the show they will pay them NOT to wear their clothes. A kind of reverse testimonial. The marketing department think they’re clearly the ‘wrong’ sort of people to represent their brand. Or as they put it, “contrary to the aspirational nature of our brand,” adding that, “association with our brand could cause significant damage to our image”.

If the match with their desired image is wrong, then the marketing people are making an understandable decision, as disappointing as this may be to many guidos and guidettes. But now it’s got them in the headlines for other reasons.

Hot hiphoppers?

This is very unlike what happened to Helly Hansen (HH) in the 1990s. They were getting free publicity from rapper L L Cool J. Wearing heavy snow gear on stage must have had him sweating bullets, but HH were happy to sweat every cent out of the publicity. They even went on to sign sponsorship deals with other rappers to strut they winter stuff at concerts.

At the time I found their decision unbelievable. Where was the match between a Norwegian outdoor brand and US rappers? But for HH this didn’t matter – they shot to fame. In the north of England, HH gained a lot of cult-worthy street cred. The fact that they looked ridiculous in this clothing and it was totally unpractical when rapping wasn’t relevant. It was about the image.

Looking at all of this from the customer point of view, you often find people sporting brands although there’s a clear mis-match with their functional needs. I see Germans wearing Berghaus in the summer. I remember yuppies driving top-of-the-range 4x4s through Kensington in London. What use is an off-road four-wheel drive in heavy city traffic? But for all these target groups it’s about being seen to wear/use/drive expensive brands – conspicuous consumption and the image that goes with it.

The good news for Helly Hansen is that marketing is now sponsoring events that are a much better match with the brand, especially on a functional level, from snowboarding to sailing. They can, now the brand is well known.

The bad news for Abercrombie and Fitch is that the function of its brand is ideal for the manic mario machos of Jersey Shore. And the leading actors like the image, too. So when the brand matches on an emotional and a functional level, maybe they’ll have to do a major rethink.

Cutting edge technology

Dyson has already created ripples in the past by completely rethinking vacuum cleaners. Shame on the whole industry for traditional product-led thinking – and not re-examining what really gets on users’ nerves: the loss of suction. Dyson came along and solved the problem by thinking “problem > solution”, not “how do I improve my vacuum cleaner”. Customers think “need”. Too many companies think “product”, not benefit. Dyson zoomed in on the benefit and created a winner.

So now he’s doing it with hand dryers.

For years we’ve been staring at the same scorchers in toilets, many imported by unknown firms with obscure names like Acme XXX Philadelphia Inc Corp, complete with 6 million patents on the boilerplate. For years they’ve done nothing new. Enter Dyson. He sees cars being dried in an instant in car washes (or actually having water blown off them) and applies the same jet-stream concept to hand-dryers.

Wolfed up by Dyson. Source: Air Wolf Website

These dryers are brilliant. A thin, fast stream of air that razes moisture off your hand, rather than just dry it. BUT… the idea isn’t new. The German company Wolf has had a similar idea, too. Though I have to say they didn’t have the engineering Dyson has. He really shoots the air over your hand.

And something else has made a difference with Dyson. He went hell for leather for high profile advertising on his vacuum cleaners. In so doing, he made a name for himself as an innovator. So opening the door in B2B (selling to public toilet operators) was so much easier.

Whereas Wolf really has missed a sales and marketing opportunity here. Judging by the number of places I’ve already seen Dyson dryers in the UK, and now in Germany, he’s obviously about to blow a few competitors out of the market. Simply by examining the benefit, not existing products.

What the hell are some copywriters thinking when they pen a slogan?

Maybe alcohol affects their ability to think straight. We’ve already seen Irish companies writing some really bizarre stuff. But the two examples in this post show that it’s not just alcohol companies – the (often controversial) German drugstore chain Schlecker are equally guilty.

Teasing name

Let’s start with the example on the right. It’s a poster for a Stuttgart-based brewery which has adopted a Bavarian brand called Malteser (by the way, it does NOT come from a town near the Alps, as the poster would suggest). This poster is possibly trying to get us to remember the name, and associate it with balmy summer evenings and the beer garden. So it’s MAL (“Time for…”) Summer, Time for Sun, Time for Teser. Er, what’s “teser”.

Well, if you’re not German, I’ll have to translate “teser” for you. It means nothing, zippo, zilch. Sorry copywriter, I’ll remember this campaign only for a terrible attempt to drum the brand in. You’re on the same level as the alcohol-influenced advertising people at Beamish. Ouch.

But at least they didn’t try mixing languages – unlike Schlecker, who are my second example in this post.

Their new campaign (also on TV and going big guns) comes under the new corny slogan

For English speakers?

For you. Vor Ort.

This roughly translates as “For you, locally”. Come on, Schlecker. WTF?!?

Well, I was already wincing at this slogan, but perhaps that’s understandable as I’m a Brit being constantly exposed to Denglish. So, don’t let me judge this. What do Germans think… ? The answer (according to a survey by Horizont.net): 77% of respondents described it as dreadful. As one blogger suggested (who actually opened with “Fuck you. Vor Ort”), why not at least write “Vor you. Vor Ort”? May I’ll go one step further. “Für Dich. Vor Ort.” Why does Schlecker even need the English and the painful pun?

So what can we conclude from both examples?
1) What seems like a cool idea in meetings with your advertising agency and during creative workshops can be total crap.
2) Do your research. A simple consumer survey can save you screaming silly slogans and getting people to remember you for the pain of your prose, not the nuance of your name.

Given all the nasty feedback Schlecker’s getting, I hope they slope off, schleck their wounds, and stop trying to be smart-asses.

I’ve written a number of posts recently about Web 2.0 and marketing’s attempts to involve the online community in campaigns.

We’ve had customers overruling marketing departments and getting them to reverse a logo redesign – Gap. Then we had the web communities basically mocking marketeers by suggesting weird product ideas and names: Barbie and Marmite.

The problem with these online campaigns is that once the ball is rolling, it’s difficult to pull the plug – as Otto, the leading German catalogue company discovered last year to its expense. Its idea: a photo model contest in Facebook. The winner: a male business student in drag.

The student, a male “Brigitte”, admitted he had the idea after coming home and finding his Facebook screen plastered with Otto banners and campaign flashes. So ultimately this was sweet revenge for him, and it confirms again that you need to be more subtle online sometimes, as anyone who’s read about permission marketing will confirm.

Eventually, Otto had to go along with it. The only upside for Otto – the campaign hit the headlines and did at some level raise their profile. And at least it showed they were willing to go with the flow – always a good idea if you’re being mocked. Fight it, and it’ll only get worse! So they immediately invited the young man to a photo shoot in Hamburg and awarded him a shopping voucher.

Not everyone saw the funny side of it, however – especially some of the real ‘models’ who were thrashed by Brigitte. But maybe they’d not been advised properly by a PR agency on dealing with a marketing mishap.

Source: website screenshot

I have Johannes to thank for this latest example of a German company realising that many customers judge you most by the part of the marketing mix they see most often: P for product, in this case even P for packaging.

Pickled gherkins are big in Germany (the market, not just the products). I see as many on shelf here as you see baked beans in England. And all the packaging looks the same.

Time to break the mould – as Spreewald Specialities, a former east German company now among the leaders in the sector, have decided to do. The pack is an attempt to get to the on-the-hoof sector, ie the out of home eating occasion. They’ve been criticised for looking too much like an energy drink, however. But maybe these colours signal the right things for young gherkin gobblers on German u-bahns.

This reminded me of the Wrigley’s packs that looked like condoms… When I first spotted them in 2007 I was critical. But they’re in Europe now.

So maybe there’s potential lurkin’ in gherkins in a way only Spreewald know…

Addicted? Plug in and suck.

I’ve recently had two bizarre products pointed out to me. Both leave me shaking my head in disbelief.

The first is the e-cigarette. Yes, you heard it here, the cigarette that isn’t actually a ciggie, it’s an electronic device pretending to be a ciggie. As they say on some of their sales materials, totally in keeping with experiential marketing, this apparently provides a “realistic smoking experience”, whatever that is. So many product experiences. What does one do with the experiences these companies keep offering me? Experience them?

Anyway, just think, you can now be fed your regular dose of nicotine – and plenty of other strange chemicals – in your office, even if there’s a smoking ban. And you can even puff circles of smoke (well, vapour actually) to wind up your colleagues.

Vapour evaporated? Nicotine not coming through properly? Just recharge via USB and get dragging again.

Well, I guess this is another example of legal changes described in marketing books with the PEST model, leading to the most bizarre “innovations”.

Feeding kids’ addictions? Screenshot: company website

Then we have the woogie, every parent’s answer to a pestering child who wants to borrow their smart phone. Yep, insert phone. Throw green toy. Get rid of child. More: here.

If you’re still not won over by the slick marketing speak on the website, try the video on Youtube. Nice to know my labrador can chew it, too. Let’s hope no-one rings when the dog’s sitting on my phone or playing fetch.

Also, I can see from the YouTube vid that this makes children very sweet, quiet and cuddly. But as they’ve got my flipping phone how can I film this happiness? Oh of course, sorry, it’s about the child-not-screaming-for-me-to-hand-over-the-fucking-phone experience.

Of course all modern parents can relate to the NEED for this product, but can they relate to the ANSWER to this need? If you’re not sure about spending $20 on this y-generation distraction, here’s a quick statement you can make to your child to address the distress of product withdrawal: “No!”. First letter n. Second letter o. No.

This idea is an example of social changes described by the PEST model – some parents, leading busy lives, unfamiliar with things called families, find it difficult amusing kids? Or saying n-o (no)?

Ok, try an e-cig then.

Coming back to the business side of these gadgets, do these firms honestly believe that the respective product markets will earn a respectable and sustainable profit for the company?

I’m willing to be wrong on these ones, but whatever next?!?

Not quite the right mug shot

I know a publicity stunt when I see one.

This Chinese company has not “accidentally” put a picture of Prince William’s brother on their souvenir mug, as the Telegraph newspaper claims.

They did this on purpose. Surely.

The only question is, why? Maybe they will actually sell quite a few of these “wrong” mugs. Maybe they’re trying to attract future business making mugs?

I’m not going to provide a link to their website – that’s what they WANT the viral marketing community to do for them. Or worse still, maybe a trackback to this website would end up with this blog getting spammed by Chinese bots.

But I will congratulate them for their inventiveness. Not even one of Diana’s psychics would have thought up this marketing stunt.

Producers of mobile phones, digital cameras, flat screens and similar hi-tech products often have to pump huge budgets into R&D. To get this investment back – and break even as quickly as possible – they tend to “price skim”.

This involves using high prices to remove the “cream” from the market before the competitors catch up. Thankfully innovators are willing to pay more – as we saw with the iPod, the iPad, etc. When the competition catches up, prices go down, by which time you’ve broken even (hopefully) by drinking the rich cream, leaving only promotion price levels for the rest.

If customers are switched on and can wait for the product life cycle to move on (probably meaning they’re not innovators, not even fast-followers, but part of the majority – and maybe even the late majority), then you could get a good deal on a snazzy piece of equipment. Even though it’s no longer the latest cutting-edge technology.

Some German product review specialists now help you track price skimming strategies as they happen, helping you catch products on promotion – before their short product life cycle ends.

Note the GRAPH in the bottom left-hand corner. Now that’s what I call a price collapse. Or the end of the skimming phase.

Source: chip online

I’ve been watching ethnic marketing in a number of cultures now, not just with the Turkish population in Germany.

Polishing up English advertising

Some of the big questions you’ll have to ask yourself if you target an ethnic market: 1) Is the target group big enough to sustain good sales? and then 2) At what point do we jump in the deep end and advertise to the new target group?

The Brits have noticed a huge influx of Polish people to the UK since Poland joined the EU. In towns of all sizes we are now seeing corner shops catering to the new immigrant population. There’s nothing new in that. It happens in countries everywhere. But when you see big companies like Lidl clearly targeting an immigrant group by answering the above questions with a) yes, the group is big enough to go for and b) now, let’s advertise to it – then you know this is a market worth taking note of.

And of course this will also mean using the language of the ethnic group. Not something many Brits would have expected to see in English media, not even 5 years ago.